note: the following does not take place in regular robot vs. zombie format. if you are looking for a bottom line or comparison, there are none. it should be quite apparent what i think of it though. read on and enjoy.

“dear 20th century fox, regency enterprises, and all other miserable companies involved,

why? that is truly the only word that can encompass how i feel about your pile-of-shit spoof meet the spartans. as soon as my eyes unfortunately viewed the trailer [and immediately try to commit suicide afterwards, nearly propelling themselves out of my skull], i mouthed, or perhaps cried out in verbal outrage, ‘why?’

this movie is an evildoing. its gag humor and terrible attempts at satire are so utterly played out and incredibly tiring to watch. i saw every joke coming from a mile away; however, it was not sufficient enough time or space to stop my mind from suffering extreme cases of hatred.

i hate you twentieth century fox, with the flaming tortured passion of a thousand christs. at what point did anyone laugh while testing this film? gay jokes and pop culture references…that is your entire list of humor. oh look! spartans equal gay. throw in ghost rider, spider-man 3, and american idol references and we have a hit.

your pitiful attempts of poking fun at hollywood are sad and not even saturday night live worthy. turning paris hilton into some deranged parallel of ephialtes and casting xerxes with the fat and over-rated ken davitian; these are ways to destroy the film industry. good job.

i don’t know what upsets me more; the fact that you allowed this movie to be made or the sad and unavoidable actuality that americans love retarded shit like this. i mean, fuck, we have masterpieces like no country for old men and atonement in theaters but this atrocity reaches top spot in the box office.

fuck you america. this is why people can’t figure out that coffee is hot and then sue people after spilling it on themselves; because we [excluding myself and privileged other] submit ourselves to trash like this. talk about beating a dead horse. what’s worse though? this movie or the fact that they are going to keep making them?

the acting is atrocious. i don’t know how you roped carmen electra and method man into doing more than one of these flicks but their pockets must be heavily padded as of present. and kevin sorbo!? fuck you thrice. your make up artists are terrible, the script probably took a week to write [at most], and the special effects are nineties.

i could place the blame on so many people: fox [who deserves much of it], jason friedberg [who wrote this, along with scary movie and a number of stupefying duplicates], or people. i choose to place the blame on people. so this letter is for you, populace of the world, a big steady ‘fuck you, you stupid cross-eyed retarded morons. i hope meteors fucking smash your brains in and turn your bodies into smoldering ash.’

as for me? i illegally downloaded the movie. so yeah.

with deepest regards,

RvZ.”